If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
only if we run a train.
done.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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