Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
