So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
