When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
