are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
