dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
