we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
