Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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