So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
