My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Every concussion has its silver lining
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
