I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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