The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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