I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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