i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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