i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
