not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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