My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
