So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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