i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
