found the other keg... it's in the tree
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
