dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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