I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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