So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
