Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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