Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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