my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
