i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
