So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
