Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
