I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
