I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
