Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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