JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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