Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
