i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's like heaven, but drunker
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
