Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
