i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
