Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
