thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
