i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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