I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so let's talk penis.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
