u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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