You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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