I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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