do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
