its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
where are my eyebrows?
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