there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
