Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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