I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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