is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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