very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize