I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
