I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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