I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
