Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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