biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
