I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
