Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
