I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
