My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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