Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
