last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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