ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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