I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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