I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
