I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
