You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
