he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize