My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am available for nakedness
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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